I've been reflecting a lot on the past few years and am aware (though no longer painfully) just how much my life has changed. You know the quote by Rumi?
I said: What about my eyes?
God said: Keep them on the road.
I said: What about my passion?
God said: Keep it burning.
I said: What about my heart?
God said: Tell me what you hold inside it.
I said: Pain and sorrow.
God said: . . . Stay with it. The wound is the place where the light enters you.
~Rumi
One of the many things I have learned over the past few years is who I really am. The real me. The me I hid or tried not to be so that others would be okay. Or so I thought. Turns out not being the real me didn't work. I would venture to say that it never works. I only have one life and I only have one me and it turns out that I kinda like me.
Not everyone does. I can think of a couple who would think the world would be a much better place were I not in it. And I annoy a bunch of others. But for the most part, those who like me, really like me. And I think what people like most (what *I* like most) is that I live my life out loud and in full color.
I used to blog about pursuing a joy-filled life and that is close, but not entirely me. I do pursue joy and I'm generally quite grateful, but I'm also a train wreck a lot of the time. I'd like to be less train wreck-y and more who I really am.
I have a lot of goals for this year, but the primary one for which I will utilize this space, is to return to photography. I'm not a bad photographer, but I'm not a great one either. I'm a passionate hobbyist. So, we will see where that goes. I will likely do a self-portrait every Friday and a picture of each of my kids hopefully no less than twice a month (the boy child is not a fan of my camera being pointed in his direction). Some family pictures, some nature pictures, some pictures of friends and activities and some attached to quotes I've found meaningful. But another project I will be pursing is 120 pictures each reflecting a word given to me by my friends: Purple truth naked light water ego acceptance infinite reflection desire inspiration relief white evening birds connection fear give joy bow peace sour treasure black craving flag individuality perky sweet spicy gloom smooth yikes cook raw beloved introspective distraction communicate deliver control happiness demure brood ephemeral epiphany lilt ravel ripple talisman serendipity sumptuous halcyon liquor store rum spiritual healing discovery learning sweat patience present perturbed rainbow unicorn Pegasus intuition depth fright luck total hard energize adventure pause create confidence clarity simplicity whole half broken love hate opalescent warrior saint sinner yes no maybe why tenacity balance unfathomable achievement clean labelled accepted feminism deprived triumph success stifled luxury truth double limited activist community applied identity refreshed castaway home kittens absorbed focus exhale.
Some will be easy: purple, joy, sunset, rum, etc. . . Some will be a heck of a lot more challenging: Pegasus. But I like a challenge.
So, happy birthday to me. And join me as I take my 46th lap around the sun.
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