Saturday, August 30, 2014: Renfest

I have never been to Renfest before.  The closest I've ever come was going to Dickens Christmas in San Francisco when I was younger (TOTALLY AWESOME, BTW).  Anyway, Renfest opened this weekend and I thought, "Why not?"  And so we did.  Initially, Lauren was very apprehensive.

Lauren struggles with anxiety and this was a new experience.  I know that she responds this way and that she will work through it, but I'm not going to lie: it is a PITA each and every time.  We had to sit and watch the bellydancers for about 30 minutes until she settled down.  And so we did.  And then we went in search of a turkey leg for Jonathan and a snack for Lauren.

Both kids tried their hand at bow and arrows and crossbows.  Both kids did far better than I expected.

So I have a secret, or not so much a secret: My kids are better than your kids at the hula hoop. I'm not bragging. I'm stating a fact.  I've had challenges, but no one has ever come close.

And then Jonathan slayed a dragon and was knighted.

And we went home.  The end.

August Run with Kids: Blacklight 5K Run

I have a goal of doing a 5k with the kids on a monthly basis.  Jonathan and I have done this before (racing), but I'm now making Lauren join as well.  This race was at night out at Cricket Wireless Ampitheater. The sky was looking very ominous.  Indeed, shortly before race start, the rain, wind, lightening, and HUGE drops started falling.  We waited until the last minute before exiting the car.  By the time we got to race start, we were soaked (no joke) and debating whether we were going to run this or not.  The rain was lightening up, so we decided to go for it.  We were glad that we did as it stayed dry the rest of the night.  

Race management was inadequate for the dark and the number of people.  We followed all the people in front of us and ended up cutting off 2 of the 5 k.  Turned out okay because it was late and the kids were getting tired.  Overall, we had a good time and are glad that we did it, but I do not think we will do it again.

2/52 Selfie Series

I got lost on the drive home from lunch with Jen, saw an abandoned house, liked my outfit, decided to jump out for a quick selfie.

Random Spider

Friday, August 29, 2014: The Drop Bistro

  is

I'm  loving Groupons. It gives me an opportunity to try places that would otherwise never have crossed my radar.  Today was The Drop Bistro in Martini Corner.  Cute little restaurant with a variety of cocktails.  The one above is L&L Press - lemoncello, lavender, champagne, and soda. Very refreshing.

Thursday, August 28, 2014: 1/52 Selfie Series

I'm having a hard time with how I've been looking lately.  I've gotten huge in my mind.  I'm currently obsessed with how big my arms and boobs have been lately.  I know I've gained weight over the past couple of years.  Yes, I know that life has been hard and I've turned to food and drink, but I should be over that by this point.

At this point, I'm completely avoiding the scale.  It's been at least three months.  I've debated back and forth as to whether I should just face reality or if I should continue the healthier eating I've been doing over the past week and just trust that I will lose weight in the process.

Still haven't decided.  Monday is the day I am considering.  But I think I will put it off one more month.  Maybe after a month of watching it carefully, I won't be so horrified when I finally step on the scale.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014: Sunrise

Yeah, I got nothing today.  This was a quick shot out my car window as I left CrossFit.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014: Sweaty CrossFit Kids

As I have mentioned, Jonathan participates in CrossFit kids.  He loves it.  I generally attend the 5:30 a.m. class, but also attend the 5:30 p.m. class on Tuesdays and Thursdays while he is there.  These guys were sweaty and dirty and smiling by the end of class.  Charise really made them work hard today - 5 rounds of 10 pull ups, 10 push ups, 10 sit ups, and 10 air squats.

Monday, August 25, 2015: Ripen Please

Mondays are long days and I rarely get home before 7:30.  Kids are with their dad on Mondays and Wednesdays, so I work late.  Generally, I'm thrashed by the end of the day and often start thinking that I'd like to swing by Barley's on the way home instead of eating at home.   I'm working hard at being healthier and that involves reducing both food and beverage.  So, I made myself go home instead.  Funny, kids came home early, so that was good.

I planted some plants this year - not much.  Mostly only the tomatoes took.  Not one thing has yet ripened.  I'm about to give up.

Butterfly on Purple

Sunday, August 24, 2014: Church

The kids were with their dad this weekend, but I got them back around six.  At the same time, there was a CD release party at church for one of the church musicians.  Lauren was helping out and had to be there.  Jonathan and I decided to attend.  The music was great, but, you can see the Jonathan, like many squirmy nine-year-olds, was ready to go home about thirty minutes in.

Jonathan 2/52

Getting measured for his first violin.

Race 1/26: Rainbow Run for Equality 5k

I did not have the kids this weekend and there was a race that sounded good.  The first Rainbow Run for Equality 5K.  I haven't been running and it was hot and, holy cow, there was an insanely steep hill, but it was fun and it was beautiful and it is something that means a lot for me.

I did not time myself and walked most of the race.

August 23, 2014: Kids

The kids were with their dad this weekend, but after my race, I met up with them so that we could get Lauren a full size violin (she has been playing for the past three years) and get Jonathan his first (a quarter-size) as he will be starting to play this year.  We are very lucky that our school district is so supportive of music and language education starting in elementary school.  All kids have mandatory Spanish starting in Kindergarten.  They can pick a different language other than Spanish starting in 7th or 8th grade.  I am not certain and my kids don't have a choice - they will be taking Spanish through 12th grade and I will then pay them to take Spanish in college (so long as they earn a B or better).

Along those lines, they have choir and music education starting in Kindergarten, but can take violin starting in 4th.  They can pick a different instrument starting in 5th.  Lauren will continue with violin through 12th grade and Jonathan is currently thinking that he will switch to the viola in 5th (but then will continue with the viola through 12th grade as well).

August 22, 2014: Results

Obviously, my physician referred me to get a mammogram.  First of all, I was two years past due for a routine, but then I was having pain and he was suspicious of a cyst.  In addition to the mammogram, I had an ultrasound.  Both found. . . . exactly nothing.  Which is great.  And not that great.  I'm thrilled that there was nothing there, but the pain continues (though it has decreased which adds further support to the hormone theory).  Looks like one more check mark in the getting closer to menopause box.

August 21, 2014: CrossFit Kids

One of my favorite things to do is go to CrossFit Kids with Jonathan.  I'm not sure why he likes it so much - it's hot, sweaty, and dirty - but he does.  And he thinks he's a little badass for doing so.  But this was him doing the kids' WOD while I did the adult WOD.  It is our special time together.  Hopefully every Tuesday and Thursday, but life moves kinda fast.

August 20, 2014: Spider Web

August 19, 2014: Confronting Fears

I've been having pain under my right nipple for several weeks now.  For a while, I just assumed it was due to hormonal changes leading up to my period, but then it continued through my period.  Okay, I excused that as well, but when it continued a full week after the end of my period (and was both stabbing and throbbing), I decided to consult Dr. Google (yes, I understand Dr. Google tends to awfulize).  According to Dr. Google, I probably had a very rare form of breast cancer with a life expectancy of 12-18 months.  Of course.

Now, I've been avoiding seeing my physician because I do not want to step on the scale.  I'm up more than I would like and I'm actively doing something about it, but I do not want to confront the reality.  You see, I've struggled with an eating disorder since I was 13 (largely bulimia with purging, but also restriction and compulsive exercise).  I liken eating disorders to an addiction in a way: you might be abstinent for years, but it is always there in the background just waiting for severe stress to retrigger it.

But, I was wise enough to know I probably should consult with my actual physician rather than just Dr. Google.  Especially since I probably only had 12-18 months to live.

And so I went.  I did decline stepping on the scale.  They could be annoyed with me (they weren't).  My physician was under the impression that it was likely a cyst due to the level of pain I was experiencing.  Okay, so that's good.  Either a cyst or a rare form of breast cancer.  Let's go cyst!

August 18, 2014: Pear

Just a picture of my pears in the evening.  We have three fruit trees: Peach, Pear, Apple.  The apple produces a huge amount of fruit that is meh.  The pears are pretty good and the peaches are insane.  The peach tree gets stripped every year.  This leaves me the pears.  They are pretty good this year and only half has been stolen.

August 17, 2014: Yummy Tummies Reviews Brunch at Pinstripes

The kids and I went to Pinstripes for lunch last Friday.  While there, we saw the advertisement for their Sunday Brunch (with chocolate fountain, which, frankly, was the kicker).  I agreed that we could have brunch there after church the first Sunday they were with me.  Which was this Sunday.

We went to church - Jonathan "helped" in my class.  Lesson was on "Where is God."  BTW, I'm really having difficulty with the male gendered language when discussing God.  My Second grade class is HILARIOUS.  They need their own Twitter Account.  Today's funny was:

"Where is God?" (answer: "Everywhere" vs. "in a castle in the clouds").

"With the cowboys?"

"The DEAD cowboys?"

"I wonder what state has God's grave."

"God didn't die."

"Yes, he did!"

"You are thinking about Jesus."

"No, I am thinking about God."

Anyway, back to food.

After church, the kids and I went to Pinstripes.  It is a rather nice buffet.  Kids are $12/each and adults are $20.  I'm not going to ever take advantage of all that a buffet has to offer, but I'm pretty sure each of my kids took full advantage of it for me.

"Jonathan, tell me about Pinstripes brunch."

"It was good.  I especially liked the chocolate fountain."

"Tell me more."

"I would recommend going there."

"How was the bacon?"

"It was okay."

"What do you like better, The Jacobson or Pinstripes?"

"Pinstripes."

"Why?"

"I just did.  It had better quality.

"Lauren, tell me about Pinstripes."

"Okay.  So, you probably want to go there for brunch because it is cheaper, but if you go there outside of brunch, you can always go bowling and that is always fun for kids.  For the brunch, it was delicious!  Kids would love the chocolate fountain.  There is fruit and vegetables and there is a kid section for picky kids with mac and cheese and pizza.  The bacon, if you are a bacon fan, you'll say, 'my mom's bacon is a lot better,' but it's good for restaurant bacon.  I give it an A- because the atmosphere is good, it is kid friendly, but it can always improve.  The chicken tenders weren't the best and you could add more fruit and I was kind of sad because they did not have churros for the chocolate fountain."

(For fruit, they only had cantaloupe, watermelon, and pineapple).

(they had a ton of shrimp that was delicious).

(Jonathan found a piece that was perfectly crisp).

And, as for me, it was a pretty good bang for your buck in terms of quality and child friendly atmosphere.  And, not going to lie: the chocolate fountain was amazing.

(Lauren takes a selfie of her strawberries).

Jonathan 1/52

It isn't easy to capture the boy.  I'm sure I will have few pictures where he has posed and most will be action shots.  He hates the camera most of the time.

The boy and I had a lovely hike while Lauren was at church youth group.  He rode his bike while I walked and then we explored the creek.  We saw footprints in the mud, butterflies in the air, and fish in the creek.  So much wonder in him.

Lauren 1/52

I would love to get one picture a week of each kid.  Lauren will be pretty easy.  Jonathan will be very, very difficult.

This is my girlie.  She is now 12 and transitioning from child to woman and does not like doing so.  I predict this will be a rather monumental year for my daughter with much excitement and tears all wrapped into one.

August 16, 2014: Yummy Tummies Reviews The Jacobson

Last week or so, I saw a Groupon for The Jacobson.  Why not?  So, I pulled buy with the intention of having lunch there today with the kittens.

Several years ago, when I was attempting to get them to expand their dining choices from chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, I got them to write restaurant reviews.  Well, that fell off the wagon, but I've decided that we are saddling back up (I like to mix metaphors).  With that, I present to you their review of The Jacobson:


"What did you guys think of the atmosphere?"

Jonathan asked, "you mean the beauty of the place?"

"Yes."

"I give it a C+," he replied.  "It was cool, but kids wouldn't be into it."

"Lauren, why would kids not be into it?"

"Well, I gave it a B.  But, mainly because it just looks like a regular bar and there is no kids menu, which some kids like."

"Yeah, so they can get a burger or mac and cheese," interjected Jonathan.

"Well, let's talk your food.  Jonathan, let's start with you.  You ordered the Stuffed Meatballs.  What did you think about them?"

"They were good.  Yeah, they were good.  I liked the sauce.  It was a good sauce."



Lauren asked, "what do you rate the food?"

"I rate the food A-."

"Okay, Lauren, you ordered a pretty fancy burger.  You ordered The Jacobson with marrow butter and short rib marmalade.  What did you think of your burger?"



"Um, for me, I liked it, but I'm picky so I didn't like the other stuff.  I liked the marmalade, but I didn't like the other stuff that came with it, but for other people, they would like the other stuff that came with it, so for them it would be an A."

"Jonathan, you had some of her burger.  What did you think?"

"I gave it an A-."

"What did you think about the marrow butter?"

"I liked the marrow butter, but I think most kids wouldn't like it."

"What about dessert?  We got the Dutch Baby Cake."



"I thought it was a B+," Jonathan replied.

"Why only a B+?"

"I didn't really like the texture."

"What did you like about it?"

"The berries."

"Lauren, what about you?"

"A B."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't really like the sauce, but I liked everything else like the berries."

"But, isn't the sauce, the berries?"

"No, there's the berries and then there is the sauce and I didn't like the sauce."



"Okay, well, overall, would you each give me a one sentence summary for The Jacobson?"

"Overall, A.  I would say if you are not picky, try it," said Jonathan.

"Overall, B+.  Good restaurant to go to if you are just in the area, but I wouldn't go all the way out there to eat at the restaurant," said Lauren.

Now, as far as I am concerned, I liked it and I would recommend it.  It is a gastropub and the food is well prepared and presented.  They have an interesting list of cocktails and would probably be a great place for an early dinner before First Friday (it is in the Crossroad District).  Prices are as would be expected for the atmosphere with cocktails ranging between $8 and $11.  I thought Lauren's burger was good, but would have liked it better with a bacon marmalade over the short ribs.  The marrow butter was outstanding.  Also, I thought Jonathan's meatballs were delicious with the tomato sauce being outstanding.  I ended up having the raw oysters because I do like raw oysters and I knew I would be trying both of the kids' meals.  I probably should have gone with something a bit more interesting.  I can get oysters many places, but I cannot always get an Apple and Gruyere Melt.  Pretty sure I will be doing that in the future.



My overall is that I liked it.  I would be more than happy to go again, but I will not go out of my way and I probably will not return with the kids.  If it were in the Overland Park area instead of Kansas City, I would probably go there on a semi-regular basis and it might compete with Pig and Fitch.  But Pig and Fitch would still likely win out.  But only by a hare (see what I did there?).

August 15, 2014

The past long while has been rather difficult for me.  I'm a clinical psychologist and that might be a contributing factor.  I have a job I absolutely love, but one that involves being present for another person.  Over and over throughout a day.  Then I go home and am mom and (was) wife.  There was no place where it got to be about me.  Combine that with a primary relationship that was not going well (I will attempt never to speak ill of it here), I started to lose myself.  I gradually lost myself over the course of probably about a decade.  About two-and-a-half years ago, I broke.  Almost literally.  I remember one morning run where I collapsed on the trail and just sobbed for about five minutes.  It was then that I decided to make appointments to get medication from my primary care physician (who knows that I am a shrink) and a therapist.  I took an antidepressant for about six months.  I tried Xanax, but did not like how it made me feel.  And I started going to therapy (I did a year of therapy when I was in grad school as it was a graduation requirement).

I went to therapy regularly for about six months until I could no longer afford the cost.  I returned about a year ago and attend approximately monthly.  Overall, I am doing great.  Better than I have in years, but it is still important for me to go and check in from time to time.

It was a good session.  I did not go through a box of tissue.  Actually, though I teared up, I did not use a single tissue.  This is monumental for me.

August 14, 2014

Today was a weird day.  I started with a workout (obviously, I am not in the above picture unless I turned man for a day).

 http://www.beyondthewhiteboard.com/workout_sessions/9295320

But then work was really slow.  Pretty sure it was because it was the first day of school

I would show the boy's picture, but it includes the name of his school.

Anyway, because it was slow in the afternoon, I went back to the gym and had a quiet workout all by myself.  It was rather awesome.

August 13, 2014

If you are not aware, you will be soon: I do CrossFit.  Sure, I'm old and slow, but I try.  I figured I should start my birthday with a good workout.  And I did.

http://beyondthewhiteboard.com/workout_sessions/9277766

Five rounds for time (RFT): deadlifts and burpees.  

Happy Birthday to Me! - August 13, 2014

I've been reflecting a lot on the past few years and am aware (though no longer painfully) just how much my life has changed.  You know the quote by Rumi?

I said: What about my eyes?
God said: Keep them on the road.
I said: What about my passion?
God said: Keep it burning.
I said: What about my heart?
God said: Tell me what you hold inside it.
I said: Pain and sorrow.
God said: . . . Stay with it.  The wound is the place where the light enters you.

~Rumi


One of the many things I have learned over the past few years is who I really am.  The real me.  The me I hid or tried not to be so that others would be okay.  Or so I thought.  Turns out not being the real me didn't work.  I would venture to say that it never works.  I only have one life and I only have one me and it turns out that I kinda like me.

Not everyone does.  I can think of a couple who would think the world would be a much better place were I not in it.  And I annoy a bunch of others.  But for the most part, those who like me, really like me.  And I think what people like most (what *I* like most) is that I live my life out loud and in full color.

I used to blog about pursuing a joy-filled life and that is close, but not entirely me.  I do pursue joy and I'm generally quite grateful, but I'm also a train wreck a lot of the time.  I'd like to be less train wreck-y and more who I really am.

I have a lot of goals for this year, but the primary one for which I will utilize this space, is to return to photography.  I'm not a bad photographer, but I'm not a great one either.  I'm a passionate hobbyist.  So, we will see where that goes.  I will likely do a self-portrait every Friday and a picture of each of my kids hopefully no less than twice a month (the boy child is not a fan of my camera being pointed in his direction).  Some family pictures, some nature pictures, some pictures of friends and activities and some attached to quotes I've found meaningful.  But another project I will be pursing is 120 pictures each reflecting a word given to me by my friends: Purple truth naked light water ego acceptance infinite reflection desire inspiration relief white evening birds connection fear give joy bow peace sour treasure black craving flag individuality perky sweet spicy gloom smooth yikes cook raw beloved introspective distraction communicate deliver control happiness demure brood ephemeral epiphany lilt ravel ripple talisman serendipity sumptuous halcyon liquor store rum spiritual healing discovery learning sweat patience present perturbed rainbow unicorn Pegasus intuition depth fright luck total hard energize adventure pause create confidence clarity simplicity whole half broken love hate opalescent warrior saint sinner yes no maybe why tenacity balance unfathomable achievement clean labelled accepted feminism deprived triumph success stifled luxury truth double limited activist community applied identity refreshed castaway home kittens absorbed focus exhale.

Some will be easy: purple, joy, sunset, rum, etc. . . Some will be a heck of a lot more challenging: Pegasus.  But I like a challenge.

So, happy birthday to me.  And join me as I take my 46th lap around the sun.